‘Debbie Does’ a play

A closer look at the librarian in “Debbie Does Dallas: The Musical”

During my research of librarian films, I have come across two erotic films, Debbie Does Dallas (1978) and Alice in Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Comedy (1976) that reportedly include librarian characters. I haven’t seen either film yet, and I don’t intend to include straight-to-video adult films that include librarians on this site — that’s a whole other subset of Naughty Librarians that I won’t get into. But these two films were both highly successful at the time and considered classics of their kind, produced during the so-called “Golden Age of Porn” where adult films became more mainstream. Just telling it as it is, folks.

The plot of Debbie Does Dallas is quite simple:  a group of cheerleaders try to earn enough money to send Debbie to try out for the “Texas Cowgirls” squad (obviously a riff off the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders). How do they earn that money? There’s a reason it’s called the oldest profession in the world, of course. šŸ˜‰

As I detailed in a earlier post about how I find new titles to watch, I routinely check my Master List against various sources. And imagine my surprise when I found a copy of Debbie Does Dallas in my local community college consortium — not the film, alas, but the play! I had no idea that the film had been adapted for the stage, but indeed, Debbie Does Dallas: The Musical was created in 2001 by Susan L. Schwartz for the New York International Fringe Festival. It was adapted by Erica Schmidt, with original musical numbers by Andrew Sherman.

Debbie Does Dallas the Musical
Debbie Does Dallas the Musical

And indeed, there is a librarian in the play, a Mr. Biddle. Here’s how he’s described in the script notes:

Mr. Biddle works at the high-school library. He is repressed and reserved. Biddle is of a forgotten generation in his principles and etiquette. (He is a male character in a porno and he does not want sex.) He is smart, rash, quick to anger and passionate about poetry.

From that description, I immediately thought Anti-Social Librarian, the male equivalent of the Spinster Librarian. This type of reel librarian tends to hoard knowledge, exhibits poor social skills, dislikes people, and focuses on rules. Makes sense, right?

Mr. Biddle is definitely a minor character, turning up in only a few scenes. In Scene 8, “Girls Get Jobs,” the poet cheerleader Donna asks if she can work at the library. He is reluctant, but is convinced by Donna’s scintillating argument:  “I could help by watching books and stamping and stuff.” (Sigh.) His response?  “Oh, ok.” (Double sigh.)

His biggest and final scene comes in Scene 20, “The Library.” Mr. Biddle catches Donna and her boyfriend Tim fooling around. Angry, he shouts, “You know the rules here. How could you so wantonly break them?” Afraid he will tell her parents, she allows him to spank her (see right). And then he asks her to spank him:  “I always wanted to be bent over and spanked by a cheerleader ’cause I’m a bad and nasty boy.” Donna readily agrees, calling him “Bad Biddle.” This sets him back $105.

And with that, he also serves as a Naughty Librarian — the males of this type, unlike the female Naughty Librarians, are generally unattractive (check) and interested in deviant or unusual sexual acts (check).

So is the play successful? The scenes are extremely short, with repeated occurrences of inane dialogue. I lost count of how many times I read, “Oh, ok” and “Ok, bye.” The sex acts are hinted at or simulated or played with bananas (not kidding, see below). In truth, I rolled my eyes at the self-described tone of the play, as set out in the introductory notes:

The style of this piece is: rodeo-porno-football-circus. Every performer must be willing to go over the top and yet NOT BE CAMPY. The performances are meant to be big in size but never winking at the audience.

Does Mr. Biddle’s character in the play mimic his reel counterpart? Apparently so, as according to Frank Vigorito’s review from the 2001 New York International Fringe Festival, “Debbie’s plot and script are word-for-word faithful to the original 1978 film.” And the scenes feel so short because of the removal of the sex scenes, so scenes “seemingly occur about every 30 seconds.” I agree with Vigorito’s final verdict:

Essentially, the play moves from one pointless scene of dialogue to the next, with the audience left waiting for something to look forward to, but that moment never arrives, unless you consider the final curtain.


Sources used:


  • Schwartz, Susan L. Debbie Does Dallas: The Musical, 2002.
  • Vigorito, Frank. “Blown Opportunity.” Off Off Off Theater, 14 August 2001.

‘Woof!’ Beware of librarian

“Remember getting trapped in that library? I still have nightmares about that!”

The 1989 film Woof! details the comic adventures of an English boy, Eric (played by Edward Fidoe), who turns into a dog — a Norfolk terrier, to be exact — whenever his nose starts twitching. The movie, although a bit dull and hokey to me, is connected to a long-running (!) British TV series.

Stereotypes abound in this movie. There is the stuffy, child-hating teacher who yells at students to keep off the grass; the absent-minded and slightly buffoonish father; and, of course, the glasses-wearing, sour-faced librarian. This movie seems harmless enough, but I got an overwhelming sense of rules, rules, RULES. There are rules about not walking on the school lawn, no toys in the pool, no dogs allowed, no talking, and so on. Perhaps the boy (subconsciously) simply wants to escape!

The boy becomes determined to figure out why he keeps turning into a dog and tells his parents he’ll be going to the library later. His mother’s reaction? To feel his forehead and ask if he’s all right. It seems in this household, going to the library is odd behavior and cause for concern. Brushing away his mom’s concern, he tells his not-so-bright friend, Roy, at school that they must start by collecting data. Roy sees a light bulb, “Oh, that’s why you asked about the library tickets!”

Their first stop is the school library, a small room with few books available. There doesn’t appear to be any school librarian. The room is filled with older wood-and-metal tables and chairs, a chalkboard, a bulletin board covered with pictures, and a few low bookcases. From one angle, we see a large window along the back wall with a view of trees. There are a few books haphazardly stacked up on one bookcase, and a small 6-drawer card catalog on top of another. Overall, the look is very cluttered and disorganized.

Screenshot from 'Woof!' movie
The school library from the Woof! movie – no school librarian to be seen
Screenshot from the 'Woof!" TV series
The school library in the TV series seems to be better stocked – did they finally get a librarian?

Although the scene is only two minutes long, the message of RULES gets hammered again. Two girls come in and immediately ask, “Have you got permission to be in here?” Then a teacher — the same one who had yelled at them about walking on the grass — bursts in and yells again. “What are you up to?!” The fact that he’s holding a gun in his hand is commented on but never explained. Decidedly odd.

“It’s not easy is it, research?” Eric muses, on their way to the public library. This five-minute scene takes place toward the end of the first hour of the movie. The public library looks cheerful from the outside, with its traditional red brick and gold lettering; it seems quite busy and popular with lots of people going in and out. No “beware of librarian” signs to be seen.

The next shot showcases the main librarian (Sheila Steafel), checking out books with a scanner at the Circulation desk. She appears to be middle-aged, with short blondish hair, glasses perched low on her nose. She wears a tan cardigan and a light blue/grey blouse with an undone bow at the neckline. She wags her finger at two girls, who promptly move to the other side of the librarian’s right side (again, RULES alert!). After the girls have moved to the proper place, the librarian then motions for their library card. There is another librarian, uncredited, with her back to the camera. We see glimpses of her later on; she is of African descent, and she also wears rather conservative clothing (a black cardigan, white button-up shirt, long black-and-white polka-dotted skirt).

We get to see more of the public library, which has many bookcases, light-colored walls, and several informational signs. A character even mentions a second floor. There are several dark wood tables and comfy chairs visible.

Librarian rings a bell in Woof!
Actions speak louder than words

The boys apparently find more books, judging by the stack on their table, but their research is cut short. Next, we see the librarian standing in the middle of the floor, in a light tan, calf-length skirt and brown flats, but without her glasses. She’s waving a large bell, a not-so-subtle way to signify closing time. Seeing no reaction from two kids right beside her, she waves the bell right in their faces (see above). Still no words, just crude gestures. After putting the bell back on the desk, she turns to a book cart, then taps impatiently to the man standing on the other side of the cart. He moves quickly (fearing worse her bite or her bark?), and she hurriedly pushes the cart in front of him.

Disaster strikes! Eric turns into a dog at the library. Roy leaves his duffel bag of the library table, where it catches the ire of the librarian, who is busy pushing the cart and clearing up books. When she spies the offensive bag, she rolls her eyes, gives it a glare, huffs, and throws the bag on the cart. While Eric’s friend is trying to figure out a way to get them out of the library without the librarian seeing, the director cuts to the librarian back at the Circulation desk. (Side note: we see the electronic scanner, but no computer. Hmmmm…..)  Up to this point, the librarian has been more of the “Actions speak louder than words” type, but she finally speaks up — albeit in a whispering tone — in the presence of an adult (her perceived equal?), a schoolteacher. The teacher, who is also the cricket coach, invites the librarian — and even calls her by her first name, Marjorie, although she is listed only as “Librarian” in the credits — out to the cricket match. The librarian seems horrified at this idea. The teacher, giving no notice to the librarian’s obvious social discomfort, leaves by trilling, “Till this evening.” This prompts the librarian to finally raise her voice, shouting out, “NO! I — ” before breaking off. She seems quite embarrassed at her outburst — breaking her own rules, tsk tsk — and looks around guiltily while biting her nails (see below).

Librarian bites her nails in Woof!
Librarian bites her nails in Woof!

When Roy braves his life to ask the librarian about the missing duffel bag, we see the librarian glare at the boy with pursed lips. She shows no concern, airily telling him that the teacher took the bag. She shows much more concern about getting out of there, as she is in the process of putting her glasses up in a case. The boy, not getting the message from the librarian’s first dismissive smile, earns a scathing warning, “We are CLOSED now, actually” and another dismissive nod. Roy then walks slowly away, carrying out Eric-turned-dog in his other bag. Eric lets out a bark — what a mischief-maker! — which causes a look of confusion on the librarian’s face (in yet another close-up). She purses her lips again, raises her eyebrows, and looks around in confusion, as if she’s hearing things. She puts on her wide-brimmed black hat (which is NOT shaped like a witch’s hat), and that is that.

So what’s the point of the library scenes? Eric thinks of the library first when it comes to research — yay! — and seems to find more info at the public library than at the woefully understocked school library. But the kids are definitely on their own, either way. No help from this librarian. She appears quite dowdy, with a dismissive attitude when it comes to children or library users in general. She is not social — the idea of going out in public to a cricket match scares her into a shout! — and her mannerisms betray this social awkwardness. The only library tasks depicted are checking out books, pushing a cart, picking up books, and telling people to go home.

The public librarian serves as yet another authority figure who presents obstacles for the kids and delivers more rules. She is another guard dog — mirroring the big, scary black dog the boys have to confront every morning on their paper route. But her bark — or glare, in this case — is decidedly worse than her bite. Not a flattering portrait. She serves as both a Spinster Librarian (an uptight rule-monger) and Comic Relief (the target of derision and laughter in socially awkward situations).

Eric succinctly sums up his experience with the public librarian. At the end of the movie, he says, “Anyway, I’m glad it’s over. Remember the swimming baths, the telephone box, getting trapped in that library? Tell you, Roy, I still have nightmares about that!”


Sources used:


  • Woof! Dir. David Cobham. Perf. Liza Goddard, John Ringham, Edward Fidoe. Miramax, 1989.

‘Killer Movie,’ scary librarian

“You two have to leave. NOW.”

It’s almost Halloween! I’ve been thinking about costumes, and if I were to dress up as a librarian, who would I pick? Who would YOU pick? One librarian I will NOT dress up as is the librarian in Killer Movie (2008).

Screenshot of the librarian from 'Killer Movie' (2008)
Scary movie indeed. Screenshot of the librarian from ‘Killer Movie’ (2008)

Yikes.

In this film, a reality TV shoot at a small town in North Dakota turns into a murder game for a crazed-yet-cunning killer. I caught this film on my cable’s on demand list, and the movie, which was shot in 21 days, was better than I was thinking it would be. Faint praise. I was thinking it was going to be like those Date Movie parodies, but the movie seemed like it wanted to play it straight. It has elements of black humor (“What greater truth is there than reality? Even when it’s scripted”), and it borrows heavily from the Scream movies, especially in the characters and basic plot points — and the Scream movies themselves gleefully borrowed from the (cheesy) tradition of modern horror films. But everyone in the film seems like they’re acting in a different movie from each other. Paul Wesley, as TV director Jake Tanner, plays his role totally straight and serious, like he does on The Vampire Diaries; Cyia Batten, who plays the TV show’s producer, is way over-the-top; and Kaley Cuoco as spoiled actress Blanca Champion wanders through like she’s doing her best Anna Faris-as-Britney. She fits in the movie as well as her miniskirts and shorts fit in with the freezing temps.

Mary Murphy plays the aforementioned Librarian — her official title in the credits — in a cameo about 24 minutes into the film. Before the library scene, Jake proclaims that “something’s off here,” helping to set up a feeling of unease and suspicion. His production assistant then shows him some newspaper articles on microfilm in the school library. In this one-minute-long scene, she finds the time to diss the school library and the town in one go:

“I’m dying to Google these people. I don’t know if you’ve tried yet, but it’s impossible to get on the internet up here. I’ve tried the dial-up like 30 times, only I get knocked off after 10 seconds.”

After discussing the newspaper articles about several deaths in the area and how they don’t think the most recent death was an accident, they look up from the microfilm reader because of the school librarian’s sudden appearance. There is a long pan to the librarian in the distance:

View of a scary librarian. Screenshot from 'Killer Movie' (2008)
View of a scary librarian. Screenshot from ‘Killer Movie’ (2008)

The librarian does not engage in conversation. She simply gives them a long glare and spits out her one line:

“You two have to leave. NOW.”

At her close-up, my husband and I both recoiled in horror. Score one for the friendly school librarian!

In this character introduction, she is a black, shadowy figure. She looks more like a nun — or a crow — in her long black layers, glasses hanging from a lanyard, black-streaked-with-grey hair pulled back. She is holding a couple of books in her arms, hands clutching her other arm. In the close-up, we see her hands and face only — her pale face with her sour, forbidding expression stands out. Her body is pretty shapeless in her long skirt, turtleneck, and cardigan.

We don’t get to see much of the school library. There is an aisle of dark blue carpet inbetween two rows of bookcases, plus a bookcase seen behind the librarian. The dark woods of the bookcases and walls add to the foreboding feel of the horror movie set-up. The books are not that neatly shelved, but not overly messy, either. We see no signs of any students using the library — and with a school librarian like that, who would?!

There are quite a few cameos in the film, and this one has that touch of black humor when you compare this reel librarian’s image with Mary Murphy herself (seen below). In real life, she is a dancer and choreographer, lending her expertise as a judge on the popular (and addictive) reality TV show So You Think You Can Dance. She is quite dynamic and loud and sparkly on the show, a total opposite from this crow of a reel librarian. Her cameo in this film might also be a clever play on her “Queen of Scream” nickname — if you’ve ever watched the show, you know about her trademark holler!

Mary Murphy photo by Porfirio Landeros via Wikipedia is licensed under CC BY SA 3.0
Mary Murphy photo by Porfirio Landeros via Wikipedia is licensed under CC BY SA 3.0

So what’s the point of this library scene? I think it adds to the “lost in rural America” feel of the small town, as the main characters won’t be able to rely on technology to seek help. The librarian’s appearance and behavior definitely contribute to the creepy mood of the town and backlog of suspicious deaths. With the long camera pans in the scene, we also get the sense of someone (the killer?) watching others. This is a camera trick used throughout the film, as in a scene later on in a convenience store, where we get a long pan down the grocery aisles and see a flash of the killer walking by. This subtly mirrors the visual introduction of the librarian. The school librarian also serves as a possible suspect. As the victims piled up — and they do, believe me — I shouted out several times, “Is it the librarian? There’s almost no one left!” Is she the killer? Hmmm….

So as the main function of this librarian is to contribute to the atmosphere, she serves the primary role of an Information Provider. But the director still can’t help but to resort to the physical characteristics of the Spinster Librarian! So if a librarian is going to be onscreen for a short time, the trend is to go for the stereotypical image.

I’ve written a lot for such a small role. Quite a(n unfortunately) memorable impression for a reel librarian onscreen for 4 seconds!


Sources used:


  • Killer Movie. Dir. Jeff Fisher. Perf. Paul Wesley, Kaley Cuoco, Jason London, Leighton Meester. Peace Arch Home Entertainment, 2008.